Reggie's thoughts on Treatment in PEI

The following are some notes on Reggie's thoughts on AA treatment ...

“If you want to sit around and talk about your “feelings” over endless cups of decaffeinated coffee, then maybe rehab is for you”

... great program for alcoholics ... here 6 weeks ... at least half come in for drug problems ...

... took 3 weeks to figure out that I've been trying too hard ... got as much as anyone else, all along [I] should have said ... I'd pray, talk to sponspr, go to meeting, work steps, everyone smiles, says he's doing great with the program - took 3 weeks to figure that out.

... can't honestly sincerely say I'll never use again, so I haven't. Can't say I'll get up tomorrow and pray and go to a meeting - what you want to hear. Don't know the answers to questions.

Take no responsibility. Let someone else fix. If I can stop, I will, but God or AA's not going to do it for me.

Prescription Problems

This morning (Monday, October 17, 2005), I went to Charlottetown to see the doctor. I picked up carries [carryover prescription] on Wednesday and I mistakenly thought that they were to last till (and including) Sunday and then I would see the doctor as usual [for a refill]. Turns out that my appointment was Friday, and not today. What a mess. The doctor wasn't in. He had left instructions to wait till I contacted them and also left a one-week prescription with no carries. Apparently, I am bad. A simple mistake I thought but .... not so.

No suprise that I was asked for a urine test. Then in Souris, I'm hit up for a second test. After questioning it, Charlottetown is called and I'm told to do it anyway. I've given them no reason to test me, but I feel like a leper. I'm going to get off this stuff.

Also today, C burned me for $80. I'll hear about it at the BlueFin [Lounge]. So stupid. Like we'll never meet again. How do they think?

November 9, 2005
I hate Barb L.  I hate her.  I really fucking hate her.  Seems like I spend 2 or 3 hours a day, if not more, thinking about this.  Every time I go to the drug store, I expect to be nailed for a piss test.

Rehab Letters

Reggie often wrote mocking letters, the following are a few examples:

Dear Reg,

You are are walking along the shore when you see a plane full of drugs fall from the sky and crash in a potato field. You take the drugs and sell them, leaving the potatos behind. You use the money to buy an island off the coast of Nova Scotia and declare yourself king ...

Dear Reg,

A friend has just called and told you that a good band is playing at [a local bar] and he has already bought a ticket for you. But all your friends use drugs. If you don't have a beer in your hand someone will give you one. If you go to the bathroom somebody will follow you and offer you a line of coke. You feel anxiety about going to the bar.

If you take some heroin, this feeling wll go away. But every time you take heroin you want more. You tell yourself you can take it for a few days and not get addicted. And then one more day. Just one more day. And then you'll be addicted. hen you can't stop taking it. You'll be o sick if you stop. Remember the sickness!? And you may end up back at the detox. You'll have to watch all the Father Martin videos again, it's not worth it!

Reg, you're alright, ok, and not bad. You deserve to live a sober life. our wife and kids don't want to see you sick all the time. You can stay straight - I know you can.

Best wishes & Happy Holidays,

Reg